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You Don’t Have To Settle For Less Than Exactly What You Want

I have to admit, I’m a bit of a “bottler.” I tend to bottle up how I’m feeling about something until it pushes me to the point that I explode.

Maybe you can relate? But I really hope you can’t, because that is no way to live your life. And truth be told, walking around with bottled up emotion or unexpressed opinions actually blocks you from receiving what you’re asking for.

Why?

Because when you push your voice down and act like what you think or have to say doesn’t matter, it’s like you’re sending a message to the Universe that says, “I don’t matter” and “I’m not good enough to have a voice.” And that unworthy feeling will only attract more things that you feel unworthy about.

One area where I tend to shut up, even when I’m having a bad experience, is customer service. I tend to have a bad experience with a service provider and then instead of speaking up and letting them know that I’m having a bad experience, I just shut up and continue to let the bad experience go on.

It’s annoying, really. Because then not only do I get bad customer service, but I also block myself from receiving what I actually want.

But today, I didn’t do that.

My old MacBook has been at the computer shop for three weeks. I was told it would be there for three days. Then they didn’t even fix it (too much water damage, wasn’t worth it). I’m not sure what the hell they did with it over the last three weeks.

And then I was told I could come by this morning to pick it up at 9:45 a.m. So I dragged my ass out of bed even though I slept like shit last night and I went to pick it up.

But when I got there the shop was closed and the guy who runs it wasn’t there to meet me like he said he would be.

Normally this is a situation where I’d just shut up and not say anything. But a friend of mine reminded me the other day of why it’s so important to have standards and not be willing to negotiate on receiving what you want.

And what I wanted was good customer service from the guy fixing my computer. I felt I deserved it, especially considering how much he was charging me and he didn’t even fix the computer.

So I spoke up. I shared my truth, and that is, I am paying a lot of money for your service and I deserve to be treated better than this.

I actually said this to him, as nice as I possibly could. I didn’t say it in a mean way and I didn’t call him names or anything like that (that’s the wrong way to speak your truth). I just let him know that I feel that I deserve better customer service than he was giving me.

Simple.

And then again, at Starbucks this morning, which I went to after the computer pick up fell through, I couldn’t get what I wanted. They were out of the gluten-free sandwich and didn’t have the syrup flavor I wanted.

Ordinarily I would’ve just picked something else from whatever they did have. But, again, I knew that would mean I was settling for less than what I wanted.

So I left and went to another Starbucks. The second Starbucks had what I wanted, and I also had a great conversation with the barista who I could tell actually wanted to be there and actually cared about what she was doing.

Something my friend made me realize this week is how often we’re willing to settle for less than what we really want. Because we’re afraid we can’t have it or can’t get it or because we believe that it’s rude or not “nice” to speak up or have standards.

I used to think and believe that stuff too. I used to tell myself that it was wrong to expect more or to want more. I used to believe that you have to settle if you’re not getting what you want right in that moment.

But you can’t live the life of your dreams if you’re always settling or if you never speak up and share how you really feel about something.

You don’t have to be rude and you don’t have to make a big deal about it. Just hold yourself accountable for speaking your truth and for not settling and not bottling up how you really feel.

My friend really inspired me. She’d been house-hunting for a while and had a list of things she wanted in a new place. Her realtor told her that she probably wouldn’t get all of it and to be open-minded.

But she knew what she wanted, and she wasn’t willing to accept anything less.

As the days wore on and as she looked at more and more houses that were close to what she wanted but not quite everything, she began thinking about settling. In fact, she almost did settle, for a house that was very close to what she wanted.

But something in her knew that she deserved more and believed it was possible for her to get what she really wanted.

So she held off. She decided to wait it out. She made patience her new best friend.

And not long after that, she found the perfect place. It was exactly what she wanted. It checked off every item on her list. And they even gave her a killer deal on it, which was a bonus she hadn’t even asked for.

It all came out of her willingness to not settle until she got exactly what she wanted.

Don’t get me wrong, compromise is a part of life and sometimes what you want isn’t available in that exact moment. So you may have to hold out. It all depends on how important it is for you to get what you want right then and there or if you’re willing to compromise or wait it out.

But you always get to choose. And you don’t have to settle for anything less than what you really want.

Dream life or bust,

 

 

 

 

#DreamLifeOrBust #DailyThinkDifferent

P.S. It’s coming!!! The doors to the Bestselling Author Mastermind are opening again next week!!! This is by-far the BEST way to work with me, as you not only get access to me in a private Facebook group, and the badass BAM member’s site with TONS of trainings and resources to help you plan and develop your story and then write, revise, publish and sell your book, but you also get FREE access to ALL of my workshops and digital products that cost $100 or less (and most of them do). If you can’t wait another minute, you can join my email list right now so you’re the first to know when the doors open (and you get a free copy of my eBook, The Bestselling Author Mindset Formula): www.jenniferblanchard.net/newsletter

Create Your Habits with Intention or Continue to Suffer from Default Habits

 “We can either make a habit, or some habit will form and start making us,”—Ken Hughes

The other day someone on Facebook asked, “if you had to pick a song to be the theme song of your life, which would you choose?” 

Several people commented that there were too many to choose, but I knew right away after reading it which song I’d pick. I already call this song the theme song for my life.

The song, Make Yourself, by Incubus, has been the theme song of my life for more than a decade now. Because the lyrics fit exactly what I believe about life—that you have to create who you want to be and what you want your life to be like. 

Some of the lyrics…

“If I hadn’t made me

I would have been made somehow

If I hadn’t assembled myself

I’d have fallen apart by now

If I hadn’t made me

I’d be more inclined to bow

Powers that would be have swallowed me up

But that’s more than I can allow

If you let them make you

They’ll make you papier-mâché

At a distance you’re strong

Until the wind comes

Then you crumble and blow away…”

(You can hear the full song here.)

I consciously took the wheel of my life when I left for college at age 17 and went off on my own. But over the last few years as I’ve worked a lot more on my mindset, I’ve been consciously creating myself in a whole new way. 

Which started with a total revamp of my habits (multiple times over). 

The things we do every day are the things that are making our lives. The things we get used to; the things we do by default, those are the things we are living for. 

Which means you’re either living for your writing dream and for doing the writing that will get you there… or you’re living for Resistance or procrastination or numbing out with food and TV or whatever else you’re doing in place of doing your writing. 

The choice is always yours. You get to decide, every single day, what will make you.

Whatever habits you currently have—aka: the things you do daily—that’s what you’re giving your life for. 

So the thing that needs to be looked at here is—what’s your default? 

Because unless you’ve been intentional about your life and have created the things you want and the habits that will support you in getting it, you’re operating and living by default with whatever default programming you picked up throughout your life so far.

Really think about this one and don’t be afraid to take an honest look at the things you’re doing every day. It may even help to keep track of everything you do every day for a week and then look back at what you’re giving your life for. 

If it does’t look how you want, it’s time to consider a habits overhaul. 

To do this, just pick ONE habit… one thing that if you did it every day (or stopped doing it every day) a year from now would totally transform your life. And then start doing (or not doing) that habit every day. 

Be consistent. Stick with it. 

What you’ll find by changing one habit is not only will your life start to change, but you’ll want to add in more new habits (or continue removing old ones you no longer want). 

But the best thing to do is to pick one to start with. You don’t want to try and change everything all at once or go cold-turkey on everything because that’s just setting yourself up for a setback. 

Pick one thing. Choose something massively important that would actually transform your life. Do that one thing every day. 

And can I make a recommendation? Choose the one thing that will totally change your writing life first (‘cause you know you want to!). 

A couple months ago I tried to change EVERYTHING all at once. I started new daily writing habits, I changed my diet completely, I started new exercise habits…AHHH!!! 

It was all too much too fast. My body went haywire and it took me almost 3 weeks to get back to feeling normal again.

So I decided to take a step back and just do one thing. I picked building a daily habit of doing my writing (blog post and work on my fiction) every morning first thing before I do anything else. 

And I’ve kept it up. I’ve been on track for almost 2 months now with doing a daily blog post and working on my fiction. I give myself a break on the weekends, meaning I still make a point to write something, but I don’t force myself into it has to be a blog post or I have to work on my novel. 

Usually that’s what I end up working on anyhow, but I give myself the freedom to write or work on whatever I want on the weekends, as long as I write something. 

I’m starting to feel pretty stable with my daily mindset practice habit, as well as my daily writing habit. So I’m to add in some food-related habits, a little at a time. 

Creating yourself exactly as you dream of being is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. 

The important part is that you make the decision that you will consciously create yourself and who you want to be, and not continue to live your life based on default programming that may or may not actually align with who you want to be.

Write with a purpose, live with intention,

#DailyThinkDifferent #DreamLifeOrBust

P.S. Writing Life Rehab is happening later this month!! This workshop will kick your ass and get you out of default mode and into creating your writing life exactly as you want it to be. Best of all, if you’re a member of the Bestselling Author Mastermind, you get the Writing Life Rehab workshop for FREE! Doors to BAM open to new members next week. Get on the waitlist so you’re the first to know when the doors open.