Have you ever had a bad experience at a restaurant? The food was cold, the waiter was rude and they tried to charge you for something you ordered but didn’t actually get. You walked out that day and said you’d never ever go there again.
But then a few weeks later, your friend suggests you go to that restuarant for lunch. You don’t want to go because of your previous experience, so you tell your friend all about it and share just how bad it was. Your friend says, “everyone has a bad day” and insists on going there anyhow.
So you go, grumbling along as you do, pointing out all the stuff they’re doing wrong. And your experience the second time around doesn’t go much better than the first time–the waiter spills something on you, they ran out of the menu item you wanted and the music was too loud.
But what if the reason it was a similar experience is because you assumed that it would be and you expected it to be?
What if you projected your first experience on your second, so that, again, you would walk out disappointed? Because you would also walk out feeling “right” and being able to say, “I told you so.”
But what if your assumptions and expectation that it would be bad again is what actually made it bad again?
‘Cause that’s the thing about the human mind… once it has an experience, it continues to pull up that experience and reference it anytime a similar experience happens or you’re in a similar–or the same–place or situation. And so it’s actually your assumptions and expectations based on previous experiences that keep you repeating that same experience again.
Which then leads you to believe that it just “is what it is.”
So if you’re not achieving the goals you have or you’re still not writing or finishing the novel (or other creative project) that you started–assumption and expectation is probably what’s keeping you stuck. Because if you assume you won’t finish or you expect that you’ll keep on repeating the same behavior patterns–procrastination, doubt, self-sabotage–then that’s exactly what will happen.
In life, you don’t get what you want, you get what you expect.
Here’s another example to truly drive this point home about how much expectation and assumption can get in the way of you creating the success you want and living the life you dream of…
A few months ago, my cousin announced on her Facebook page that she’s taking her mom to Hawaii for her 60th birthday–in two years. My cousin likes to plan things out way ahead of time; it makes it feel more doable for her that way. And then she invited whoever wanted to join them to leave a comment so she could get a head count.
And one of her friends commented and said, “I’d love to join you!! But we can’t afford it.” Now keep in mind this trip is TWO YEARS AWAY (in 2019). Yet this woman already assumes and expects that the way things are for her financially right now is how they’ll also be two years from now.
And for her, they will be, because she’s already projecting into her future that assumption and expectation. So of course that’s what will show up for her–because you don’t get what you want, you get what you EXPECT.
Assumptions and expectations are what keep people stuck, spinning their wheels and living mediocre lives they don’t love, because they expect and assume that things will always be the same and won’t ever change. Expectations and assumptions are the reason people spend months, years and even a lifetime repeating the same behavior patterns and continuing to create the same results–usually ones they don’t want–over and over again.
It’s sad, really, because life can change practically overnight when you change your thinking and change what you expect and assume. How?
Instead of saying, “I can’t afford it” to something that’s two years away, open a savings account and commit to putting 5-10% of your income into it every month. Two years from now you’ll not only be able to afford the trip, but that leap of faith, acting-as-if action will help make the trip a done deal.
The truth is, expectations and assumptions are just a MINDSET–a way of thinking that can keep you stuck and playing small. So if you change what you expect and assume–you can change your whole life.
Yes, it does take having faith in the Universe and trusting in uncertainty. But just like anything else, the more you do it, the better you get at it.
So instead of continuing to expect that you’ll never finish your novel or you’ll never find an agent or you’ll never get reviews on Amazon or no one will want to buy your book or read it anyhow, expect something different.
Assume you will finish, you will get reviews, you will sign with an agent, you will find a readership for your books and sell lots of copies. It may not happen right away, but if you keep focusing on the new expectations and assumptions–and keep taking action–it will eventually happen.
Because what you expect and assume will be your reality. You call it in with how you’re choosing to think. And yes, it’s always a choice.
Your thoughts, beliefs, assumptions and expectations are what’s really creating your life and the things you experience every day.
So when you assume and expect what you want to show up, guess what? It eventually will. As long as you don’t sabotage it by returning to old patterns and expectations about, “that’s just how it is.” Because if “that’s just how it is” then that’s just how it will always be.
Change your expectations, change your life.
Dream life or bust,
P.S. For the next 72 HOURS ONLY you can grab the Mid-Year Motivator writing bundle and get access to some of the best resources I’ve ever created, including the Write Your Damn Novel eCourse which is worth the entire price of the bundle (and you still get MORE!!).