Being normal. Something that I longed for most of my life.
I just wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to not be different.
I wanted to blend in, not to stand out.
Standing out was the thing that had me spending my entire childhood being bullied by the kids in my class–boys and girls. And I didn’t want that. I wanted to be accepted.
None of that was possible being who I was.
If I wanted to fit in, be accepted and no longer get bullied for being different, I had to change. I had to be someone else. I had to find a way to dim my light.
So that’s what I did.
I spent the first half of my life conforming to other people’s standards and downplaying all the things that made me unique, because I just wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be normal.
But there was a huge problem… I wasn’t normal. Not even one little bit.
There wasn’t a single cell of “normal” in my entire body.
Which is why I always struggled. It’s why I spent most of my high school experience trying to be more like the cool girls in my class and less like the person I was on the inside.
I just wanted to fit in.
I, for once, didn’t want to be the odd-woman-out. I didn’t want to be the weird writer or the artsy girl or even the creative badass. I just wanted to be normal.
I wanted none of that other stuff to exist.
I didn’t want to be artsy or creative or even, at times, be a writer. I just wanted to fit in.
And no one around me was artsy or creative or a writer.
All the people around me were normal. They went to school, they came home and watched TV and hung out with their friends, and then got up the next day and did it all over again.
They didn’t go home and spend hours in front of their computer (which most people didn’t even have at that time) making up stories and journaling and writing down their thoughts and feelings.
They didn’t spend their summers taking Continuing Education classes because they actually truly wanted to learn and grow and indulge in the things that interested them.
They didn’t join the Wood Butcher’s Club or the computer club or the journalism club. They didn’t spend their after-school hours drawing comics and writing articles for the school newspaper. They didn’t participate in the school musicals–as a performer and as backstage crew.
None of that was normal.
Which is why I never fit in. Even when I wanted to. Because I was always drawn to being creative and expressing myself and learning and indulging in things that were of interest to me.
And in college when everyone chooses one major and focuses their life on one specific thing, I had two majors and a minor, because I couldn’t just choose one thing. It was too hard.
But I just wanted to be normal.
I wanted to pick one thing that I was gonna be and that was it. I wanted one title, one thing to focus on, one hobby or skill set that won out over all the others.
Except that never happened for me.
Anytime I chose one thing, soon after I’d find myself backed into a corner, bored as fuck and wanting to indulge in all the other pieces of myself that I was snuffing out with my “choose one thing” mentality.
For a long time I made myself wrong for having so many ideas and talents and passions and interests. I actually legit thought there was something wrong with me.
Why couldn’t I choose one thing? Just like everyone else had. Why couldn’t I just be normal?
My whole life I was considered flaky and uncommitted because I was always jumping around from one thing to the next thing and back again. And anytime I thought I’d found THE thing–the one thing that I wanted to spend my life focused on–soon after another thing would come through and I’d start to question everything.
I just wanted to be normal!!
Normal people didn’t have the inner struggle I had going on. Normal people just picked a major, chose a career, focused on the one thing they wanted to do.
And there I was, lost in a sea of endless passions and interests, and wondering why I couldn’t just be normal.
I tried, I really did. I tried to be normal. I tried to choose just one thing. I tried to be like everyone else.
But I couldn’t.
And the more I tried–to pare down, to focus, to stop being so all over the place–the worse it got. Because the more I pushed down all the passions and interests I had inside me, the more lost I felt.
The truth was, I wanted to write and paint and draw and make stuff and shop and create and indulge in fashion and cook and tell stories and watch movies and whatever other thing came along that I felt called to try out.
But I couldn’t. Because that’s not normal.
I used to drive myself insane trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Everyone around me seemed to have a plan, to know what they wanted to be.
But not me.
I wanted to do and be it ALL. I wanted to live a life where I got paid to spend time doing all of the things I wanted to do.
But that wasn’t a normal.
It was normal to pick one thing and focus on it and that’s it. You choose one thing, you do it your entire life and then you retire. And when you retire, then you can think about indulging in some of the other hobbies and interests you have.
Retirement was the only acceptable time to finally do all the things you’ve wanted to do your whole life.
Before that, you had to choose. You had to focus. You had to narrow it down, pick a niche, an industry, and that’s that. And if you didn’t do that, you’d be considered uncommitted and flaky. People would pity you and say prayers that you would finally find your one thing and become like everyone else.
I remember when I was a kid–and even as a young adult–when I’d mention a new hobby or something else that I wanted to be to my mom, she’d say to me, “I don’t remember you ever saying you were interested in that” or “where did this all-of-a-sudden come from?”
I think she was afraid–just like I was–that I would never be normal. That if I continued to indulge in so many different passions and hobbies and interests that I’d never be successful in life. I’d just float from one thing to the next, never committing to anything.
And I’d end up nowhere.
Even more than worrying about being normal, I worried CONSTANTLY that I’d never really be happy. That I’d never find that one thing I was meant to be doing in my life. That I’d be doomed to wander the earth, lost and without purpose, because I hadn’t found that one thing I was supposed to do.
All of my friends were in the same jobs for years, moving up the corporate ladder and achieving more and more success in their positions. And there I was, still jumping from job-to-job, trying to find my one thing. Because I just wanted to be normal.
This is the multi-passionate person’s torment.
By definition, a multi-passionate person could never, ever choose just one thing. It’s actually impossible for them. And so many multi-passionate people spend their lives depressed, floating around, feeling purposeless because they can’t find their one thing.
And all the while believing that there’s something wrong with them, because they can’t be normal, because they can’t choose just one thing, and trying to all these years has done nothing but make them even more miserable.
Funnily enough, through all the years of torturing myself and trying to be just one thing, I actually did find my one thing: Writing. I am a writer.
At my core, that is who and what I am and have always been. And if I really did have to choose only one thing, I would choose writing and I’d spend the rest of my life happily putting words on the page.
But the truth is… that’s not ALL of who I am… and you DON’T have to choose just one thing.
Choosing one thing is a lie that the normal people in society use to try to stop multi-passionate people from being who they really are. Because it’s scary to not be able to choose just one thing, and it’s intimidating to be around someone who’s multi-passionate and good at so many different things.
It’s unnerving. Especially for someone who’s normal and was able to choose one thing.
If this post resonates with you, then I’ve got some news for you… you’re multi-passionate and you will never, ever be able to choose just one thing. Also, you will never, ever, EVER be normal.
And you were never meant to be.
Being multi-passionate is a gift. One that you’re born with. Don’t ever waste it by forcing yourself to choose just one thing or trying to be normal so you can fit in with the rest of the world.
You’re not meant to fit in. You never were. You were always meant to stand out and to shine a light for the other multi-passionate people in the world who are walking around feeling like there’s something wrong with them.
It took me almost three decades to finally get this and to finally accept that I would never be normal.
Even with the business I’ve built over the last five-plus years I’ve tried to streamline and focus and just do the writing thing. And it’s been great, I’ve created a full-time income that replaced my day-job income doing something I really, really love.
But all the other parts of me have suffered because of it.
Because there’s so much more to me than just the writing side. The writing side is my most dominant side, yes, and it’s the thing I’ve spent the most time focused on and cultivating. But it’s not entirely who I am.
I’m SUPER multi-passionate and I’ve been downplaying that in favor of trying to be normal and choose a niche and focus.
But no more.
This is not the business and the life that I want. I want a business and a life where I’m allowed to indulge in all of my passions and interests. I want to finally give myself permission to not be normal and to instead be exactly who I am and have always been.
I made myself wrong for being multi-passionate for so much of my life that it actually started to feel normal to ignore who I really am. Even though deep inside I had all these things bubbling up, wanting to be created and expressed.
And I’m now choosing to let that all go.
I’m now choosing to BE the multi-passionate badass that I’ve always been on the inside. I’m choosing to unleash in a way that I never, ever have before.
I’m giving myself full permission to just BE ME and to let that be enough.
Going forward a lot of changes will be taking place in my business and life, including unleashing this website–which has been brewing in me for God only knows how long.
It may mean that I lose some of what I have right now. I may have to give up what I’ve got in order to have what I really want. I may have to let go of some of what I’ve built over the last five-plus years–destroy it all so I can rebuild as who I really am.
But I’m ready for it.
It’s time to fully step into the identity of the multi-passionate badass I am and have always been. It’s time to unleash the real work I’m meant to be doing in the world.
I’m DONE trying to be normal. I’m DONE trying to fit in. I’m DONE wasting my time focusing and just doing and being one thing.
That’s not who I really am. Never has been. And I’m finally ready to let it out.
I’m finally ready to step into the role of leading the multi-passionate writers, artists and creators of the world.
The ones who for so long have tried convincing themselves that they have to choose just one thing and if they can’t, there’s something wrong with them. The ones who’ve spent their lives worrying that they’ll never really be happy, because the idea of choosing just one thing is fucking miserable.
The ones who know they were born for MORE.
But the only way you can ever truly live your purpose is if you STOP denying who you really are. STOP pushing down all the things you feel inside and STOP running from all the ideas, passions, interests and things you want to be, do and have.
From here on out, it’s dream life or bust.
jen
